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Chapter 255: Is This Bribe Just for Me, or for Other Officials as Well? (2 / 2)
Chapter 255: Is This Bribe Just for Me, or for Other Officials as Well? (2 / 2)
Following the remaining steps of the capping ceremony in an orderly manner, night soon fell.
Within the span of a day, the emperor and a select group of ministers quickly came up with their own reasons and devised well-planned, logical excuses to ensure that it would make perfect sense for them to be near Xu Yanmiao’s residence tonight.
—Those who couldn’t come up with a reason to be there could only stay home, anxiously waiting for the next day to see if any rumors had spread.
The snow was pure white, and their faces were red from the cold. One, two, three, four heads peeked out from the rooftops and courtyard walls surrounding Xu Yanmiao’s house.
The old emperor sat inside Marquis Yongchang’s house, warming himself by the brazier. Beside him, a red clay stove was heating wine.
He glanced out the window at the heads popping up, his expression filled with the disdain of an eagle watching a bunch of chicks. “Does Xu Yanmiao strike you as someone who can keep a secret? Do you really need to climb up walls just to see?”
Marquis Yongchang let out an awkward chuckle.
The old emperor belatedly realized something. “Where is the crown prince?”
Marquis Yongchang pointed, and when the emperor looked closely—standing atop a precarious stack of wooden boards, leaning over the wall, stomping his feet from the cold while breathing into his hands—was none other than the crown prince himself.
Beside him, his two gentle and graceful daughters were also standing on tiptoe. The fifth princess, not very skilled at climbing, had dirt and dust on her face and dress.The old emperor: “……”
If word got out, who would believe that these were the crown prince and princesses?
With a twitch of his mouth, he turned away and looked around the room. His gaze landed on a cabinet where a set of “Collected Annotations on Ji Wenzheng’s Poetry” was displayed. The collection consisted of sixty exquisitely carved wooden plaques.
Bending down, the emperor picked up one of the wooden books and examined it carefully. Next to him, Marquis Yongchang seemed to shrink into his robe, as if suddenly feeling cold.
“Is this an original carving? Not a reprint from the early Zhou dynasty?” The emperor, having spent years as a ruler, had long developed an expert eye. “Must have taken quite some effort and cost a hefty sum.”
Marquis Yongchang nodded somewhat uneasily. “It did.”
The emperor’s gaze deepened. “I seem to recall that you don’t even like poetry?”
Marquis Yongchang hesitated. “Well, as one ages, tastes change.”
The emperor chuckled. “Oh? That’s strange—I heard that Xing Chong has great admiration for Ji Wenzheng.”
—Xing Chong was the courtesy name of He Bi, the Vice Minister of Rites.
Marquis Yongchang’s eyes darted away.
The emperor saw through him immediately. “You wanted to gift it to him?”
Marquis Yongchang corrected him. “I originally meant to give it to Miss Xiaocha.”
But after finding out that “Miss Xiaocha” was actually a man, he had been unable to bring himself to gift it. Yet, he also couldn’t bring himself to throw it away. His reasoning? “It was too expensive to waste!”
The emperor: “Oh, really?”
Marquis Yongchang: “Yes!”
Winter nights were long, and the days were short. Wine was brewing, tea was simmering. As steam lifted the lid ever so slightly, time trickled by. The streets quieted, save for the occasional bark of a dog and the muffled crunch of footsteps on snow.
[Wuhu! They’re here!]
A group of grand, high-ranking officials—dressed in lavish clothing but shivering from the cold—immediately perked up their ears.
A figure wearing a bamboo hat peeked out from the corner of the wall, scanning the street left and right. After confirming no one was around, he quickly stepped into the open. Snow had turned his boots white, and he clutched an ornate box in his arms as he hurried toward Xu Yanmiao’s door.
Knock, knock, knock—
As the knocking echoed through the silent street, the man failed to notice the many sharp, gleaming eyes locked onto him from the darkness—just like a team of black-cloaked police officers waiting in ambush for a criminal.
Xu Yanmiao excitedly opened the door. “How can I help you?!”
The would-be briber staggered backward in shock, nearly slipping on the snow.
Xu Yanmiao didn’t invite the man inside—after all, he had no real intention of accepting a bribe. Letting the man in would only make things harder to explain.
Instead, he immediately grabbed the man’s arm to steady him and impatiently asked again, “So, what is it?”
The would-be briber was momentarily stunned, suddenly doubting whether he should have brought gifts to this young upstart—even if he was the emperor’s favored minister.
Why is he acting so eager?! Like he’s never taken a bribe before!
But… since he was already here…
Suppressing his concerns, the man noticed Xu Yanmiao didn’t seem to want him inside. So, he raised the ornate box in his hands. “Master Xu, I am the magistrate of Shangyuan County. I have served in this position for seven years. After the new year, I will be reassigned, and I hope to enter the Hanlin Academy. I would be most grateful if you could… lend me a hand.”
Xu Yanmiao gave him a curious look. “What are you offering?”
The magistrate of Shangyuan County: This… this… isn’t this a little too straightforward?!
But then—delight!
He wasn’t afraid of Xu Yanmiao being greedy; he was afraid Xu Yanmiao wouldn’t be!
With a mysterious smile, he said, “Master Xu will know at a glance.” Then, he opened the box.
Xu Yanmiao peeked inside. “A painting?”
The magistrate’s mysterious smile deepened. “An artwork of eight beauties—peerlessly elegant, breathtakingly gorgeous, and still… untouched.”
Xu Yanmiao, bewildered: [Why is he describing the women in the painting as ‘untouched’? That’s such a weird way to put it.]
Meanwhile, the old emperor—who had climbed the wall to eavesdrop—flew into a rage.
Xu Yanmiao might not understand, but he certainly did! The magistrate was clearly implying he would gift eight stunningly beautiful women to Xu Yanmiao!
Eight!!!
Was he trying to drain Xu Yanmiao dry or what?!
Scoundrel!
At once, the emperor found the magistrate utterly detestable. With barely restrained fury, he growled, “Shangyuan County isn’t particularly wealthy, yet its magistrate is fat? He must have extorted plenty from the people!”
The crown prince: “……”
He hesitantly whispered, “Father… isn’t that a bit of a hasty conclusion?”
The emperor huffed indignantly. “What’s hasty about it?! He is fat!”
The crown prince: “……”
That… doesn’t mean his weight came from exploiting the people…
Meanwhile, on the other side…
Xu Yanmiao: […]
Xu Yanmiao: [A painting of beauties? You might as well have brought me a pound of cured meat instead.]
The old emperor’s fury instantly melted into joy. He whispered to the crown prince, “See? Bai Ze is truly a divine beast—his mind is unwavering!”
The crown prince: “……”
He had already been silent too many times today.
Xu Yanmiao didn’t notice the many people crouched atop the nearby walls—mainly because this was the first time someone had tried to bribe him, and he was too excited. Even though he planned to report the person afterward, that didn’t stop him from enjoying the moment.
In his excitement, he casually asked, “Is this bribe just for me, or have you given gifts to other officials as well?”
The magistrate of Shangyuan County cautiously whispered, afraid of being overheard, “Well… the gifts I’ve given to others are, of course, different from what I’ve prepared for you, Master Xu.”
He was careful not to say who else he had bribed.
But Xu Yanmiao had a system.
[???]
[You bribed the entire Ministry of Personnel? Including the clerks?!]
The crown prince, unable to bear it, covered his eyes.
The officials of the Ministry of Personnel immediately felt a chill of unease.
Some of them had accepted money, some had not—but they all knew their own department too well. Just because they hadn’t taken this particular bribe didn’t mean they were innocent of other misdeeds!
Heaven help us! Please, Master Xu, don’t expose anything else!
The old emperor sneered coldly.
It seems it’s time to have the Jinyiwei investigate the entire Ministry of Personnel.
Xu Yanmiao didn’t immediately expose the other officials. Instead, he politely refused the magistrate’s bribe and shut the door without hesitation.
But deep down, he felt a little wronged. [What! Am I not worthy of an exclusive bribe?!]
The crown prince felt a twinge of sympathy.
[Damn it! I want to see who accepted his bribe.]
The crown prince: Forget it… I’d better sympathize with the officials in the Ministry of Personnel instead.
It was snowing, and it was really cold.
The officials of the Ministry of Personnel felt as if their hearts had frozen over. As they looked at Xu Yanmiao’s tightly shut door, it was as if they could see a giant loudspeaker rising from behind it, broadcasting to the world—
[Oh ho! The Right Assistant Minister of the Ministry of Personnel accepted thirty estates in exchange for promising to transfer the magistrate of Shangyuan County into the Hanlin Academy.]
The Right Assistant Minister took two sharp breaths of icy air and shivered.
[Oh—oh ho!!!]
[This happened a few days ago! The Right Assistant Minister did take money to arrange the transfer! But at the last moment, he actually forgot the magistrate’s name! How does that even happen?!]
[I’m dying! So, he just arranged for every county magistrate who had served seven years and had the surname ‘Sun’ to enter the Hanlin Academy? He must have vaguely remembered it contained ‘Sun’…]
[But.]
Xu Yanmiao was nearly laughing himself to death in bed.
[The magistrate’s name was Zuo Sun!]
[Right Assistant Minister of the Ministry of Personnel, you helped the wrong person!]
The crown prince: “Pfft—”
The old emperor shot him a death glare.
The crown prince: …Sorry, I really couldn’t hold it in.
“Is this bribe just for me, or have you given gifts to other officials as well?”
(A reference to Dream of the Red Chamber)
—
Bribing multiple people at once, inspired by:
“They bribed the Duke of Jin with ancestral artifacts and musical instruments. From the six high officials, five clerks, thirty commanders, and the great ministers of the three armies to the hundred officers and their subordinates, all received bribes.”
— Zuo Zhuan
—
Forgetting someone’s name, inspired by:
Zhang Changyi and Zhang Changsong vied to outdo each other in extravagance. Changsong’s younger brother, Changyi, served as the magistrate of Luoyang, and any request he made was never denied.
One morning before court, a candidate with the surname Xue offered a fifty-tael gold bribe along with his petition to secure a post. Changyi accepted the gold and handed the petition to the official Zhang Xi.
Several days later, Zhang Xi lost the petition and asked Changyi about it. Changyi cursed him furiously, then said, “Incompetent fool! I don’t remember either! Just give the post to anyone with the surname Xue!”
Zhang Xi, terrified, went back and found over sixty candidates named Xue—and appointed them all.
— Zizhi Tongjian
(Well, at least Zhang Changyi got the job done… )