Reincarnated as a Phoenix

Chapter Epilogue 7 – Wedding Blues

Chapter Epilogue 7 – Wedding Blues

(Zeki) “Erk… this is officially the worst day of my life”

(Ria) “He-he, you really care about Ariza, don’t you, girly boy?”

“Erk, it’s not about caring, cow. It’s about sending a message… ain’t no one good enough for brother! It doesn’t help I’m seated between dumb and dumber!”

(Loki) “I still can’t believe she’s going through with this! Especially with that shrimp like wyvern. Eh, I’m being mean. That kid is nice enough”

---

(Nathan) “The fact I’m still stuck like this is driving me insane”

(Charlotte) “Hehe, relax Natty. You look adorable!”

(Nathan) “S-Stop calling m-me that, Lotte! It’s not cute anymore”

---

(Nyx) “I don’t remember being invited to a mortal wedding… is this normal behaviour?”

(Aesa) “Aesa is starting to get worried as well. What is the cause for this delay?”

(Brooks) “Zzz… I’m so freaking bor- ouch! Don’t pinch me, this is child abuse!”

(Ikarus) “Then don’t pretend to sleep, kid. Just because we’re all thinking it, doesn’t mean you have to speak”

‘I sense the irony here considering how childish I used to be’

The big day, the glorious day for Ariza and the Prince as we sit in the grand hall me and Petra once got married in, now waiting for the happy couple. The waiting, the goddamn waiting…

You see, like everyone already knew, Ariza is and always will be a caring saint. Remember that bridesmaid’s day out we were forced to endure? It turns out, she changed her mind on some things so Zeki is somehow not in a dress today. Also, Petra gets to spend the day as the head bridesmaid which helps my fear out, so I get to blend into the crowd.

As for Zeki again, I do know it took some work convincing Ria though, that’s why the compromise involves him being in his original body. He’s may be in a suit at least, but the bottom half of said suit involves a skirt and stockings though. Silver linings, I guess.

----------

---Like with the last wedding, not everyone gets AI. Loads do tho…

As we continue to wait while the traditional wedding song continues to repeatedly play, there is a growing concern something wrong might’ve happened.

‘Is an hour late for your own wedding that big of a deal? I was late for ours… hopefully this isn’t for a similar reason’

Anyways, for the actual invitees to the grand occasion, it’s not actually that overwhelming which is nice. On one half of the hall, most of Ariza’s friends and family are seated. For the other, no seats in sight but over twenty wyverns sit patiently waiting for their King and Prince.

‘Father would be turning in his grave at the sight of all these wyverns. Then again, he’s happy to be massaged by them’

And of course, most of us patiently wait even though this is starting to feel iffy, one member in the hall is really starting to get irked.

“Erk, I’m going to come out and say it! If that little rat has stood brother up, I’ll destroy every single one of you piece of shit birds!”

“*Squark*!”

“You bastards want some!? I’ll fry ya with the colonel’s secret herbs and spices if you fuckers don’t shut it!”

“*Squark*!”

Shaking fists and flipping the wyverns off, I can’t help but facepalm and hide in my hands. This is the third time this has happened and it’s only getting worse.

“He-he… do that one more time, girly boy. I’m sure they’ll love to see you wearing a shock collar”

“E-Erk… maybe I’ll quieten down… ugly cow”

“He-he… you’ve blown it. It’s going back on when we get home”

“F-Fuck! Those blasted rats are the cause of my demise!”

‘Great, looks like those two have gone down that route. To think they could get even more toxic…’

It says a lot that most of the settlement just zone out Mr Obnoxious and the dryad now. You’d think five years would be long enough for them to come to an understanding, but nope. It’s now at the point where Ria has to shock Zeki just to get peace and quiet. No one should advocate violence, but for shutting Zeki up, it’s hard to disagree.

‘Huh… guess this really isn’t as traditional as Ariza would have liked. At least they’re finally here now’

Coming down as a party of four, my wife is joined by the Wyvern King as well as the happy couple. We’re finally ready to go!

The only problem is, Prince himself looks like he’s gone through some serious shit. What is it with chaotic weddings in this world!?

“Uh, sorry we’re late, everyone! We uh… had some issues”

“Heh, someone got a little too excited and worked up. It’s all fine now”

(King) “Come on boy… everyone is waiting”

(Prince) “*Nods*”

Eventually after what feels like a lifetime, all four of them get up the aisle and find a happy Charlotte ready to officiate. I think I’ll need to have words with the puppy like Prince if this was a case of having second thoughts… could Zeki have been right?

Just one look at Zeki’s scowling face makes me think differently though, he actually looks like a pug with how pissed he is. Thankfully, he’s somehow managing to hold it in.

“Dearly beloved, we gather here tod-”

“Uh, Charlotte? Can we skip most of this and just go straight to the I do parts?”

Myself, Charlotte and most of the crowd are confused on why Ariza would want to skip this. Ariza is practically a bridezilla, yet, she’s happy to skip such a large part of it? Both the Wyvern Prince’s father and Petra don’t seem all that confused though.

‘If he dares to try and ditch her on the aisle…’

“S-S-Sorry, A-Ariza. I-I-I’m j-just s-so d-damn happy!”

“*Facepalm*. Boy, you’re supposed to be representing our entire race today!”

“*Squark*!”

(Petra) “Heh, lighten up, Wyvern King. Your son is really happy”

(Ariza) “Uh, damn it, Prince! Just stop crying already!”

“S-S-Sorry… A-A-Ariza”

To see our resident bluebird finally starting to embrace the ways of the facepalm and even pout at her partner. She finally understands the pain of true love, bless her heart!

“Hehe, okay, I’ll skip all that… do you Prince, take Ariza-sama as your lawfully wedded wife, to love he-”

“I d-d-do!”

Cutting off Charlotte, the Wyvern Prince manages to get out a single word without stuttering, then returns to his blubbering mess of happy, albeit snotty tears. He really is too happy for his own good, can’t believe I thought he might stand up Ariza. He’s perfect for her!

“Hehe, then I ask the same of you, Ariza. Do you take Prince to be your lawfully wedded husband, to love him in sickness and health and continue to do so, forever and ever?”

“Uh huh, I do… can we get some tissues first?”

“S-S-Sorry a-again”

Thankfully, Charlotte seems to be carrying a box so after so Prince can blow away most of his snotty covered soul, it’s finally time to seal the marriage…

“Hehe, that’s it then! You may kiss the bride!”

“R-R-Right”

…

The prince places his hands on Ariza’s cheeks, then stops in his tracks like he doesn’t know what to do next. I always had a feeling Ariza was the one who initiated things in their relationship but damn, he really is shy!

Both however are flustered and getting redder by the minute, this is just too adorable! I’m going to make them kiss myself in a minute!

(Ariza) “U-Uh… I’ll j-just do it then”

“Y-Yes”

And so, Ariza kisses the groom instead as shyly and as passionately as she can. Her lips peck Prince’s, finally locking those two in the slave contract known as marriage. I’m so proud of her!

The whole hall erupts in celebrations and cheers when their lips touch. Smiles linger all around, wyverns chirp and squark, this is a day for the ages! Our resident bluebird finding a mate so kind and feeble, a smile might make him fall over!

But of course… one soul is less than happy about everything going on. Guess who?

“Erk… now I’ve lost both orangey and brother. Think I’m cursed”

“What was that, Zeki? Did you just say you lost me? What is that supposed to mean?”

Seeing Zeki going red in the face and aiming a fist my way, I probably shouldn’t tease him right here. It’s so damn hard not to though!

“Erk, just buzz off orangey, you know what I mean. I’m not in the mood…”

__________

“Uh… never realized how emotional you could get, Prince. You could cry us both a river!”

“S-Sorry Ariza… d-didn’t think I-I’d get like this”

“No no! It’s fine, Prince, I like it! Just relax… hubby”

“H-Hubby!? I’m g-getting too h-happy again…”

The afterparty, the same place me and Petra had ours and now the happy blue couple get to have their moment. Similar to ours, we have an open bar, a dance floor, a gigantic white cake, the only difference being they have a buffet. I’m honestly surprised at Ariza for not being as traditional as I thought she’d go, but hey, it’s still fun, even preferred for my tastes. Who want a perfect-pompous wedding anyways? More chaotic is fun!

For obvious reasons, the wyverns have to remain outside since space is limited. Eh, flying rats shouldn’t be inside after all… really am embracing my father’s and Zeki’s racism.

As for right now though, the lights are dim and the happy couple hold each other in their arms for the first dance of the night. Smooth but romantic jazz plays as they float around in each other’s arms. Everyone watches along while I nudge closer and closer into the side of my own wife. This honestly brings back happy memories… even if the panic attack soured a lot of that day.

‘Guessing the senorita style music will come along later. Ariza really is beautiful today though’

“Heh, not getting jealous, are you Ikarus?”

“Huh? What would I be getting jealous about? Wanting Ariza or something?”

“Heh, not that. The jealousy is about being a bride and wearing a gown again”

…

Like anyone with a brain could predict, this causes me to pout and back away from the wife. Except she grabs a hold of my hand and doesn’t allow it! This teasing and Ikarus abuse will never stop!

“Heh, being serious though, Ikarus. You really were even more stunning than usual that day”

“Thanks, but nope… those charms don’t work after a tease, Petra. Think I might need to withhold you know what for a while”

“Heh, come on now, Ikarus. We both know your only hurting and lying to yourself”

Still pouting at the wife whose grin grows happier by the second, someday I will be able to able to best the devilish vixen I’m now in contract to. The thing is with my libido… it might take a thousand years before I can really say no. Eh, sex is just too good to stop… did we ever do it in our wedding dresses? Is that even possible? Damn kinky ideas…

“Uh, Ikarus… would you like to dance next?”

While my head wanders to passionate images of Petra lifting up her dress and showing a wedding garter, obviously commando as well, it appears the first dance is now over and Ariza is asking me of all people to dance next.

“Me? Why?”

“What kind of BS is this!? You ask orangey over me!?”

Charging in like a bull in a China shop, Mr Obnoxious is here to always ruin the atmosphere. I’m not even sure what direction he came from then!

“Because Zeki, someone told me the only dancing they would ever do is breakdancing. Uh, I don’t even know what that is!”

“You’re just uncultured, brother. Breakdancing is the only true way to show off skills, nothing like your flamingo shit”

“It’s flamenco, Zeki! Uh, just go away and sulk in the corner!”

In the end after what feels like an excessive amount of facepalming and shooing Zeki away, Ariza takes me by the hand and we start the second dance of the evening. I normally would’ve said no for the simple fact I despise dancing. It’s just impossible to say no to Ariza though.

Then, as I awkwardly try my best at following her lead, step by step holding onto her as we glide across the room. This honestly feels too romantic and slow for someone I’d consider a dear friend though. Maybe breakdancing would’ve been the way to go…

However, another weird thought comes to mind as I glaze into the eyes of the smiling bluebird ahead of me. Isn’t it tradition that the father dances with the bride for the second dance?

“Ariza… really hope you don’t look to me like your old man or anything. Believe me, grumpy dinosaurs are overrated”

“Uh, don’t think of it like that, Ikarus! It’s just you might be the closest friend I have. Zeki feels like an annoying brother and Petra at times feels like a mother. She did raise the both of us”

“So, you’re not going to ask me if I approve of this marriage or not then? It’s a bit delayed but I do have to admit, you’ve picked a right cry-baby as a spouse. Might be a bit hard to accept him into the phoenix fam if were drowned by tears”

Smiling but now also chuckling, I follow Ariza’s gaze to her husband who now is standing by the bar still blowing his nose. However, both of our smiles quickly turn sour when we see who is standing behind him. The floodgates are about to open again.

“Damn it, flying rat! I didn’t even say anything nasty! All I’m asking is that you look after brother, that’s it!”

“I-I-I k-know! I-It’s j-just that i-is the n-nicest thing y-you’ve ever s-said t-to m-me!”

And then the crying Prince hugs and squeezes the life out of a stunned Zeki who’s brain immediately shuts down from the overwhelming emotion. I’ve changed my mind; this wyvern kid will fit into the family perfectly. We’re all as batshit crazy as each other!

Eventually, the slow-moving wedding dance ends and me and Ariza depart. By the way she’s looking at Petra next, I think it’s her turn…

Except, a little runt who was stuffing his face over by the buffet appears in the blink of an eye to get in the way. Brooks is going to turn into another Zeki, isn’t he?

“I wanna dance with auntie Ariza next!”

“Petra… this seems like a perfect opportunity for real parenting”

“Heh, that it does, Ikarus. Think we may have left it too long though”

So, what do we do? Do we tell Brooks no and make him wait, finally showing that we can be hard but also fair parents? Nope!

Before we even get the chance, Ariza takes him by the hand and he sticks his tongue out at us as she takes him to the dance floor.

‘Heh. He really is a little shit…’

__________

(Prince) “Y-You really are t-the most beautiful bride ever, A-Ariza!”

(Ariza) “Uh, thank you, Prince, you look amazing as wel-, please don’t start crying again!”

(Prince) “I-I c-can’t help i-it!”

---

(Zeki) “Erk, yuk! Knew I should’ve skipped brother’s wedding. Watching paint dry would’ve been more entertaining”

(Ria) “Sometimes Zeki… you really make me question things”

(Zeki) “Don’t do that cow, name calling me like that. And we’re cool, right? You of all people should know when I’m chill or angry”

(Ria) “Girly boy, I don’t think even you know how you feel. You really never want to get married, like ever?”

(Zeki) “Erk… not the time or place, Ria. Never actually said no… just that you’ll never get me wearing white bedding like that”

---

(Kellearzar) “I’m not sure I ever said this or if Ikarus ever mentioned it… thank you for protecting her so long ago”

(Charlotte) “Hehe, you thanked us years ago, Kellearzar-sama. We loved that adventurer!”

(Natty) “Yeah, where’s this coming from?”

(Kellearzar) “Just unhappy memories and regrets really. Me and Dermakvar never did anything like this, his pride and grumpiness despised the concept of mortal marriage. I honestly think it’s really cute”

Getting the dancing out of the way and stuffing our way through the buffet, not sure you really want to hear about how most things are vegetarian, all we’ve got left now is presents and cake. Everyone around our long table seems to be having almost gloomy conversations though.

(Petra) “Heh… everything alright, Ikarus?”

(Ikarus) “Guess so, Petra. Just starting to get tired and all”

(Brooks) “It’s because mummy number two doesn’t like groups!”

The occasion has been great and all, love Ariza as much as a friend can. It’s just that age never helps with the whole ‘eek! Too many faces anxiety’ I seem to get. Besides, we’ve already had the wedding to beat all others so we’re just copying and pasting content now!

“You know… it’s been quite a while, Queens of Lesbos. I haven’t properly said hello yet. Sorry I couldn’t visit on occasion like my boy. Managing a city and airships full of wyverns never gives any rest”

Returning with another plate of food, the buff Wyvern King says hello before he returns to his side of the table, he being the only one who wasn’t up here a moment ago. To be fair, it did feel like half the table was empty, this monstrosity of a man takes up three seats with just how bulky he is.

“Heh, don’t worry about it”

“Honestly dude, the less visitors we get, the better. Have you seen the state of our islands?”

It doesn’t matter where you live, where you come from or how you look, all are welcome on our islands as long as you play by the rules. That means we might be the most diverse place on this entire planet.

“Heh, is that racism or xenophobia, Ikarus? Wasn’t it your idea to open up our borders?”

“Eh, just because something works doesn’t mean I have to like it, Petra”

Because I’m obviously such a kind and just ruler, that fully gives me the right to embrace the boomer mindset and blame all immigration for all problems, right? That totally how things work.

“Anyways… you’ve got me thinking. What problems do wyverns usually face?”

I’m trying to think of things but a city exclusively run by wyverns and an airship that seems suitable for giving dragons massages, what big issues could the King of all wyverns have to contend with? Can’t he just flex his muscular wings and make them submit that way?

“You didn’t hear it from me, but our entire species can be incredibly stupid. It’s not uncommon for wyverns to accidently start eating each other through the winter”

“*Cough cough*… knew those rats- *Cough cough*”

Choking on a mouthful of food, guess what obnoxious person listens in to our chat?

…

Anyways, moving on from that awkward conversation, guess wyverns aren’t the only types of bird that eat each other, heh, we eventually get onto the damned gift opening! No more delays, we’re doing this now as a couple of the wyverns who can’t speak or change form bring piles of gifts inside.

“*Chirp chirp*!”

(King) “What Gary is trying to say, is that this is from all those who wish to see this marriage flourish. Hopefully, you’ll see the wyvern race as your equals… he’s always been a huge ass licker”

“*Squark*!”

As Ariza and the Prince start opening up the boxes, light begins to glimmer and shine off the presents that light has pierced into. Gleaming gemstones, ingots made from pure gold and silver, metallic platters and polished cutlery. If something shines, it’s in one of those boxes.

(Prince) “Really guys? Father already told you bribes aren’t necessary!”

“Uh… woah. That’s a lot of shiny stuff”

“*Squark*!”

The happy couple continues on with the rest of the wyvern gifts, all of which being as shiny as the others. Crystals, jewellery, coins, you get the gist of it.

Eventually they get around to me and Petra’s gift, a rectangular box with two longer objects wrapped and contained within. You see, both of us agreed a while ago why be locked down to the conventional wedding gifts people usually receive? Nothing about this world is normal.

As they open the equipment up, both seem a little shocked with what they find. It looks like a happy type of surprise though.

For Ariza, we’ve got her a custom-made longbow, polished and as white as snow with an inscription on it that reads ‘Bluebird’. Now, she won’t have to keep borrowing Apollo’s, or Nathan, or even Natty’s bow. She does like shooting but obviously not animals. Ariza’s too kind of a soul for hunting.

For the Prince, we’ve heard tales that he’s heavily interested in magic so an ornate staff, etched with the words ‘flying rat’. I’m kidding, I’m kidding, it’s unetched. The staff does look like something a grand wizard named Gandolf would use though.

(Prince) “This staff feels really magical, thanks!”

(Ariza) “Uh huh, I didn’t expect this! Thank you both, this is wonderful!”

“Yeah, why anyone would ever want a normal wedding gift, like a gravy boat is beyond me”

“Heh, both are enchanted as well. Channel magic into the weapons and you’ll be able to shoot them in your natural forms”

When they switch forms, the items should shrink down to ring size so they can be worn on claws, presenting a whole range of possibilities. Now, the wedded couple can literally shoot people while gliding along if they want!

When you’ve got an entire settlement full of Gods, a greedy dwarf who knows how to handle enchantment egos and even Hephaestus just across the ocean, getting custom made artefacts like this isn’t that big of a deal. It just takes time and money really.

Anyways, we both receive a hug from the bluebirds and guess who wants to give his gift next? No introductions needed… this is going to be an experience.

“Oi, it’s my turn now, bitches! Brother, this is from myself!”

“He-he… forgetting something, girly boy?”

“Erk… the cow is kinda involved as well. She reminded me about it, but the first idea was mine!”

Passing them a small box, they open it together and find something quite strange. Inside, you have two small looking plushies, one of a red bird and the other a blue. The strange thing is, the red one looks slightly torn and tattered.

“Uh… Zeki? Is this because of what Ikarus and have Petra have? Shouldn’t they both be blue?”

‘Great, always reminded of those damn plushies Petra got made! Someday, it’ll feel my fiery wrath!’

“Erk, no brother, this is unrelated. You remember when I hatched and the first thing I saw was sis and your ugly beaks?”

“Uh huh, Zeki. Once you broke free, you couldn’t stop crying all night!”

“Erk, knew you’d bring that up! Doubt you remember but you made this red one, a little toy to try and keep me distracted. The thing is, it worked. Turning into a mutated-bird-dinosaur thing creeped me the hell out…”

Pausing for dramatic effect, it seems less dramatic and just sad when Zeki finally continues on.

“I was kinda planning to jump off a cliff before my wings starting working. That beady eyed bird kept me sane as stupid as it sounds, like some stupid guardian was telling me not to do it”

(Ria) “He-he, Zeki told me that story so I thought I’d make a blue one to go along with it! They are really cute, right?”

Even though Zeki’s story must have more toxicity involved, I can’t help but feel worked up. This feels so out of character for him, so much so I’m starting to get teary eyed! Him keeping a little doll for so long just for sentimental reasons shows there’s more than a tsundere dickhead under that shell.

“Uh… I don’t know what to say. You kept that for over two hundred years? Why Zeki?”

Ariza can’t help but get up and swiftly engulf Zeki in a hug. He obviously looks really uninterested and wants it to end.

“Erk, good luck charm, I guess. Seemed cruel to throw it away since you gave it to me. Now, you better keep that close because if any flying vermin get close, it will protect you from them! Yeah, you fuckers heard me, brother is off limits!”

“*Squark*!”

And of course, he ruins everything when he flips the bird to the wyverns behind us. One step forward, two steps back. At least this shows some part of Zeki is redeemable, just it may take thousands of years before we break his outer shell.

More and more gifts continue to head this way after that heartwarming moment. With have a diamond pen from our corrupt politician Marcus, a raise your own pet geode from Penelope, a bottle of non-alcoholic ambrosia from Dionysus.

Another oddity includes an odd shaped cylindrical crystal from our maid Eve, apparently it’s a healing crystal. She may call it a that, I’m pretty sure it’s a marital aid…

“My turn now, sweetie! I reckon you’ll love this!”

A wild Loki arrives next in que and all of us are unsure if opening this up is a good idea. The box is fancily wrapped as everything else, it’s just that I’m sure he knows how to make potions airborne. Basically, Loki has the capabilities of gender based chemical warfare if he wants to go down that route.

Thankfully, the box is safe, but all that sits inside is two potions. Once of which is blue in colour and the other glows yellow.

“Uh… Loki? Isn’t this what you gift me every month?”

“No sweetie, you’ll want the yellow one! It’s taken many countless days, months and years, thousands of coins spent, but I’ve finally found the final solution! Drink that when you need the next and you’ll never go back! Well… other potions still work, but the base form will always be female at least!”

…

You’d think this would be spectacular moment learning that a permanent cure to Ariza’s gender dysphoria has been found. However, this is a huge problem…

Oh, another slight thing to mention, Prince and the King already knew about Ariza’s whole gender stigma going on. The both of them didn’t care in spite of the fact Ariza remains infertile.

“Loki… we may need to start watching over you more”

“Heh, Ikarus is right. We’re not sure if you can be trusted”

This is a huge problem! If he’s able to create a permanent potion, who’s to say he won’t use it in pranks? Eh… I guess we could just use another potion to turn the person back, this is still dangerous!

If only he put his mind on more important matters, like finding a potion to cure cancer or anything like that. Loki could probably do it!

“That’s insanity, Queens! There is a thin line between pranking and terrorism, I’m not trying to get myself killed! Besides… I want people to have hope as well. The hope that you’ll be back to normal after a good amount of time has passed! And hopefully, that false hope will never come!”

Looking away and rolling my eyes, this is the state of our islands, folks! Just Loki being a menace to society like usual, nothing different to see here!

“I’m happy for my wife… what does the blue one do though?”

Picking up another potion from the box which Ariza’s cure all was contained, the prince looks confused why there would be another.

“That one is for you! Drink it now and experience true power tha-”

Without even needing to think, me and Petra pounce at the prince, swiping the bottle out of his curious hands. The glass thereafter crashing to the ground.

The only sound to be heard after is a loud shatter, Loki weeping and Zeki muttering something under his breath.

“Erk… would’ve been funny seeing the flying rat bear my pain”

“No! That was my latest, greatest creation! It would’ve only lasted a night!”

“Seriously Loki? You planned on ruining their wedding night like this?”

“Heh, what is the matter with you?”

“It wouldn’t have been ruined, only enhanced! Please don’t tell me you haven’t looked at that wyvern prince once and thought he’d be better off as a she! Everyone here knows it!”

…

None of us have any words and it’s not because Loki’s right, Prince looks as feminine as Ariza herself. It’s just that considering how friendly Loki is with Ariza, you’d think he’d ignore the overwhelming urge for male mutilation for just one damn day!

Thankfully, the child like innocence of Ariza’s husband means we can put this incident behind us. Thinking about it, none of the wyverns, even his father have a clue either. This really could’ve turned into an international incident if he drunk that.

“Um… Ariza? What was that potion supposed to do?”

“*Sigh*. I’ll explain another time, Prince. Just don’t drink anything Loki gives you…”