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Chapter 203: Using a Cat to Command a Scholar! (2 / 2)
Chapter 203: Using a Cat to Command a Scholar! (2 / 2)
Zhu Tingxun gave him a long, meaningful look. “But even true gold wouldn’t know that rolling around in a dung pit—hurting no one—could suddenly become the talk of the entire city.”
He sighed in defeat and continued, “Besides, Your Majesty, you call this compiling history, but… aren’t you really just looking for gossip?”
The emperor coughed lightly, showing no guilt. “Minister Zhu, you overthink matters.”
Before this issue could be resolved, another minister arrived.
It was Chang Zai, a renowned scholar from the Chang clan of Jiangyuan and the Deputy Censor-in-Chief. He carried a stack of paintings and had deliberately donned simpler clothing.
The emperor raised an eyebrow. “…What is the meaning of this, Minister Chang?”
Tears streamed down Chang Zai’s face as he explained, “Your Majesty, I am honored by your favor in allowing me to paint murals for the court, the previous dynasty’s palaces, and the inner palace. I have also been entrusted with decorating screens in the royal halls. Now, feeling that my days are numbered, I have selected the works I am most proud of to present to you.”
The emperor, confused, asked, “Your health has always been robust. Why would you think…”
Chang Zai wiped his tears and gave the emperor a resentful look. “Your Majesty, even the healthiest person is still human. My face cannot harden into a city wall. I imagine it won’t be long before I die of shame and humiliation.”
The emperor: “…Ah, well, Minister Chang, perhaps things won’t turn out as badly as you fear. Who knows, maybe your ancestors will turn out to have some hidden achievements.”Chang Zai countered, “Your Majesty, do you think hidden achievements are more likely… or peculiar hobbies?”
In this dynasty alone, not a single official could withstand a deep investigation!
It wasn’t that absurd events were rare in the past, but usually, such things wouldn’t randomly come to light. Everyone worked hard to keep their skeletons firmly locked in the closet.
Who could’ve predicted that Xu Yanmiao would appear?!
The old emperor, with a straight face and not a trace of shame, said, “Minister, your family is known for its noble traditions. Surely, their achievements outshine any flaws.”
The Deputy Censor-in-Chief: “…”
The third, fourth, and fifth officials from prominent families all blocked the emperor in the Hall of Martial Brilliance. They didn’t argue much—they simply cried. They wept as hard as they could, occasionally mixing in a plea or two:
“Your Majesty, a rough approximation of history will do!”
“Your Majesty! I cannot support such a disgraceful decision that betrays our ancestors!”
Meanwhile, other officials, upon hearing the news, fainted on the spot in their offices.
Their colleagues carried them to soft couches, wiped the sweat from their own foreheads, and muttered in relief:
“Thank goodness… thank goodness.”
Thank goodness we’re commoners—descendants of poor farmers who followed His Majesty to establish this dynasty. Our ancestors didn’t even exist in the records of the previous dynasty.
It wasn’t their place to say, but… this thing the emperor was doing—it was truly lacking in virtue. No wonder the ministers were up in arms!
At the Wenhua Hall.
Xu Yanmiao, still a bit confused, asked, “What’s the matter with the Song clan of Guangping?”
The historian, unable to reveal the truth, glanced at his unconscious superior on the ground and silently apologized before saying, “Dunhuang is famous for its murals, many of which record history. Growing up surrounded by such an environment, Chief Historian Song developed a deep obsession with creating a universally praised historical record. We’ve been working on this history for ten years now. Your sudden arrival probably made him think His Majesty wanted to replace him, and he couldn’t handle the blow.”
Xu Yanmiao instantly understood.
[So this is what they call the most taboo thing in office politics—a direct appointment!]
On the ground, the chief historian’s fingers twitched slightly. It seemed he’d heard the historian’s remark even in his fainted state and desperately wanted to get up and punch him.
“But don’t worry, Xu Lang,” the historian added quickly. “The rest of us are thrilled to have a new colleague. You wouldn’t believe how tedious compiling history can be—the more hands, the better.”
The historian’s attitude became even friendlier. After all, his ancestors were three generations of impoverished farmers. Xu Yanmiao’s presence wouldn’t harm him and might even grant him access to firsthand materials.
“Come on, have a seat!”
Help us fill in the gaps! And maybe enjoy the drama too!
Another historian immediately brought over a stack of drafts. “Xu Lang! Let’s start with the Histories of Generals and Ministers!”
Author’s Note:
Irresponsible Extra:
It’s said that on that very day, there was seismic activity near the Zhou dynasty imperial tombs. It seemed something was about to break out of the coffins… ()
In the Song dynasty, pet stores sold cat food, known at the time as “cat food” (m?oshí). Options included pig liver, pig intestines, dried fish, loaches, and more.
— A Brief History of Humans and Cats
Royal cats were fed homemade meals, and wealthy families often mimicked a cat’s natural diet by feeding them raw meat. Pan Jinlian, for example, raised her cats this way. She didn’t offer them pig liver or dried fish but fed them half a pound of raw meat daily, making her cats plump and robust, their fur so thick and glossy it could supposedly hide an egg.
— A Brief History of Humans and Cats
(Note: Raw meat often contains parasites, though ancient people were unaware of this.)
Sometimes, after carefully preparing a meal, the feline master would refuse to eat, especially during hot weather. How to preserve cat food in such cases? Ming dynasty scholar Fang Yizhi provided a highly praised solution: prepare a clay pot, place charcoal inside, and then put the cat food on top. The moisture-absorbing properties of the charcoal would help keep the meat fresh and prevent spoilage.
— A Brief History of Humans and Cats
In ancient times, people believed that female cats were gentler while male cats were wilder. If a household had a male cat, neutering was recommended to make the cat more docile and prevent undesirable behaviors during mating seasons, such as marking territory. While this idea of neutering was progressive, veterinary medicine of the time was primitive, and the procedure caused significant pain. To avoid earning their cat’s resentment, Qing dynasty cat owners would stage a drama before neutering.
- The operation scene was always set outside.
- The cat’s head was securely restrained.
- With one swift motion, the operation was performed. The cat, clutching its wounds, would charge back into the house in a tragic display.
- The owner would then follow the cat inside, acting innocent and lovingly consoling it, making it clear that the outside world was dangerous and home was the safest place to be.
— A Brief History of Humans and Cats
Catnip was also popular, as evidenced by Lu You’s poem:
“Sometimes drunk on catnip, every night claiming the brocade rug.”
By the way, A Brief History of Humans and Cats is a fascinating book. It even describes how ancient people trained cats to use a designated toilet area in the absence of cat litter:
When bringing a new cat home, they would place it in a bucket and cover it with a bag to prevent it from instinctively running back to its original home. Inside the bucket, a chopstick would be placed, marked with the cat’s scent. Once home, they’d find a soft patch of soil or sand, insert the chopstick, and the cat would associate that spot with its bathroom area.
The Zhu clan of Yiwu already boasts seven officials at the beginning of this dynasty.
By contrast, the Wang clan of Xincheng in Huantai, Zibo, Shandong Province, produced 30 jinshi (imperial scholars) and over 100 officials between the Ming Jiajing and Qing Guangxu periods—a span of 300 years. Among them, 12 were high-ranking court officials of the fourth rank or above, earning the title “The First Jinshi Clan of Shandong” and the reputation of a prominent family in Qilu.(Note: Producing over 100 officials in 300 years averages to roughly three officials every ten years.)