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Chapter 204: I, The Emperor, Strike the South Mountain Retirement Home with My Fists! (1 / 2)
Chapter 204: I, The Emperor, Strike the South Mountain Retirement Home with My Fists! (1 / 2)
Before beginning the official task of compiling history, the compilers decided to give Xu Yanmiao a special training session.
“Come, Xu Lang, let me ask you: As a historian, you need to record the following event. The emperor received a wild horse that remained unruly for three years. A general volunteered to tame it and succeeded in just 100 days. When the emperor asked how this was achieved, the general replied that he trained the horse by depriving it of water and teaching it to follow human commands.”
Xu Yanmiao pondered for a moment before picking up his brush.
After two years of adapting to his work environment, he was now relatively proficient in classical Chinese.
“The emperor acquired a wild horse, but it could not be ridden for three years. A general claimed he could tame it within 100 days. The emperor allowed him to proceed, and he succeeded. Upon inquiry, the general said, ‘By depriving the horse of water, it learned to obey humans.’”
The compiler read this and was pleasantly surprised. “Xu Lang, despite being new to historical documentation, you’ve already grasped its essence! Not bad at all. Historical records should always strive for brevity. Just this line—‘The emperor acquired a wild horse, but it could not be ridden for three years’—is enough to surpass 90% of historians!”
Xu Yanmiao’s eyes gleamed. “Thank you, sir!”
The compiler blinked, puzzled. “Why are you thanking me?”
Embarrassed, Xu Yanmiao chuckled. “Earlier, I heard you mention that you’ve been working on the previous dynasty’s records for ten years. I was worried my arrival might inconvenience everyone.”
The compiler’s previously calm demeanor shifted ever so slightly. He gave Xu Yanmiao a long, meaningful look. Initially, he’d thought of Xu Yanmiao as nothing more than a mascot—a token of good fortune—whose primary role was to provide accurate historical anecdotes. As for compiling the actual records? They’d just settle for “close enough.” Nobody expected Xu Yanmiao to contribute much to that process.But now…
The compiler picked up his brush and wrote a sentence on the paper before sliding it to Xu Yanmiao. “Take a look at this.”
Xu Yanmiao leaned over to read. Below his own text was a polished version: “The emperor acquired a wild horse, but it could not be ridden for three years. A general, upon hearing this, tamed the horse by thirst, alleviating the emperor’s troubles.”
Xu Yanmiao’s eyes lit up instantly.
He understood now!
When the old emperor stormed into Jiaofang Hall, Empress Dou was so startled she jumped. “What happened to you? Why are you such a mess?”
His beard was unkempt, and his clothes were wrinkled!
The emperor fumed. “Peasants! They’re all peasants!”
He then angrily recounted his recent ordeal to Empress Dou: “One after another, they threatened to hang themselves—and that wasn’t enough! They ganged up on me with their words! Someone even dared to tug on my imperial beard! I didn’t want to argue with them, so I tried to leave, but they wouldn’t let me go!”
—He was so furious he had reverted to using “I, the Emperor!” (Zhen) in his speech.
Empress Dou: “…”
To think the ministers had gotten so enraged they grabbed onto the emperor to stop him from leaving… Especially when her husband, with his short temper, was involved…
“Wulang, tell me the truth.” Empress Dou’s expression grew serious. “You didn’t, in a fit of anger, destroy the ancestral graves of the ministers, did you?”
She had intentionally gone to the extreme, not expecting her husband’s peculiar silence in response.
“…You?” Her voice faltered slightly.
The old emperor cleared his throat. “It wasn’t that serious. It was… a little less than that… Well, not really. Uh, let’s just say it was slightly less.”
If he hadn’t felt so guilty, he wouldn’t be venting his frustration by complaining to his wife about how those uncouth ministers were being unreasonable.
—They’d have been dragged out and beaten with paddles long ago.
Empress Dou asked, “What exactly happened?”
The old emperor’s gaze shifted. “I assigned Xu Yanmiao to work on the History of the Zhou Dynasty.”
Empress Dou: “…”
That was practically the same as digging up someone’s ancestral graves. No wonder the ministers had lost their composure and acted so insubordinately.
But when she saw the emperor’s beard, all tangled and messy from being yanked, Empress Dou couldn’t help but laugh.
The emperor was indignant. “Empress! You’re not even on my side!”
Empress Dou was laughing so hard she could barely speak. “Oh, you! The ministers aren’t made of clay, you know. If they get angry… Well, thank goodness they just yanked your beard and held onto your robes to stop you from leaving.”