I Became the Drug-Addicted Childhood Friend

Chapter 57

Life is inherently pain.
Perhaps the only currency humans truly possess is pain, used to purchase fleeting happiness. Most people live this way.

They endure the pain of labor and exchange it for the happiness that money can buy. Pain comes first, happiness follows. But some purchase happiness on credit. And eventually, the debt must be repaid.

A debt of pain.
I, too, am deeply in debt.
The pleasure the drugs brought me came without any price paid in pain.

It feels like an inherited debt, one impossible to renounce.

Since I was already ruined, I kept borrowing, again and again, until the limit.
Until even repaying the interest became an insurmountable task.

Stab.

But there is a way out!
I can transfer my debt to others.
All the weapons I create are made of pain—pain I should have endured.
If someone else bears that pain in my stead, I can repay my debts.

Crunch.

Give and take.
If I give pain, the other takes it.

It’s strange I hadn’t realized this simple rule before. When I killed the suppression team trying to murder Researcher A, I didn’t understand it at the time, but that was when I began to regain my sanity.
The madness receded, enough for me to speak again.
I had repaid some of the interest.

Thrust.

That’s why I killed the doctor.
I gave him the pain I was supposed to endure.

“Hehe…”

I stab and stab again.
The doctor was a good person.
That’s why I feel guilty.
The guilt is the price I pay for this excessive happiness.

[2%]

Maybe it means 2,000 hours.
When it hit 1%, it had been over 1,000 hours. Or was it?
2,000 isn’t a small number.
But if it’s not time, then what does it represent?

-Static.

The radio, which I thought was merely decoration, suddenly comes to life. A voice echoes in the quiet study.

“Monsters have been released near the experimental facility.”

It’s the doctor’s voice.

“The medicine Seo Ah used has exhausted the supply for residents near the factory. If monsters attack, the residents have no way to defend themselves.”

It’s definitely his voice. But I just killed him. His corpse is right here. Yet the voice continues.

“I trust Seo Ah will handle the situation.”

It sounds like an order: take care of the monsters.

“I got the idea from how Seo Ah escaped. Thank you.”

Then… what did I just kill?
If not the doctor, was it a puppet dressed like him? A pre-recorded message?

“What the hell…?”

My mind refuses to function. I try to process the doctor’s words but fail.

“Ah, so monsters are coming?”

Yes.
They want me to protect the residents.

“So what?”

What am I supposed to do? I’m too busy repaying debts. Even paying the interest is overwhelming.

So… I’ll shift the pain onto the monsters.
They’ll repay my debt in my place.
And I’ll be happy.

“Hahaha… Hahahahaha!”

I’m happy.
I’ve already used all the drugs in the study. Maybe that’s why I killed the doctor?
That was the plan all along: use him and then dispose of him.

There are more drugs in the drawer, stronger ones. Great.
Let’s take them first, then figure things out.

“Hehehe…”

The debt is overwhelming.
Buying pleasure has caused this problem.
But others will pay for it.

Those who threw me into the trash, who treated me worse than human. They’re the ones to blame for this society, for making Seo Ah shoulder this debt.

As long as it’s repaid.

The mirror by the study door shows a monster.
It looks like Seo Ah, but it’s not.
Haha, no wonder human rights were taken away.
If I were a researcher, I’d want to study this too.

The eyes, though.
Why do they look like that?
It’s disturbing. No wonder I want to smash the mirror.

“It’s all your fault,” the reflection says, laughing.

“Everything is your fault.”

No, it’s not.

“This all happened because of your mistakes.”

No, it didn’t.

“It’s all your fault.”

“All my fault? Don’t make me laugh! If it weren’t for me, you wouldn’t even be here! I did everything—everything!—and you know how hard it was for me!”

“It’s because of your mistakes.”

“I didn’t make a mistake! It only looks like a mistake because you don’t see the results. Everything worked out, didn’t it? If the results are good, isn’t that all that matters? People who say otherwise are idiots! Even if my actions were wrong, it was the situation that forced me. Anyone would have done the same!”

“Why did you do it?”

“Why do I have to keep explaining myself? I had reasons! But no one listens. They just blame me. They don’t even try to understand. So what’s the point of talking? It’s useless!”

Because people hate me.
Because I hate myself.
Because I’m no different from a monster.

“Exactly!”

If the world made me this way, why should I hate myself?
It’s not just my fault.
So no one has the right to blame me.

“You’re nothing. Dust pretending to understand the universe while it’s blown away by the wind. Your face is sand. Shatter.”

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry. I’m sorry I was born. I’m sorry I ruined the world. I should’ve died. I’m sorry I’m still alive.”

The mirror warps. Or maybe I just broke it.

“The researchers are laughing at me. Mocking me! But I’ll kill them! Rip them apart! If I do that, you’ll like me again, right? If I do that, everything will be okay. I know I was wrong. But if I kill the monsters, I’ll be forgiven! I’ll be forgiven!”

Let’s kill the monsters. Quickly.

The corroded walls drip with rust. Broken pipes leak grease, and the roads run with blood.

I see monsters.
They’re like friends.
Except for the part where they kill people, they’ve done nothing wrong.

But I’m the kind of trash who attacks even friends!

Sorry, Shihu.
I’m trash.

Crunch.

Black branches pierce the monsters.
Weapons made of pure pain.

Killing these raises my level.
Dozens fall without resistance.

[3%]

It’s gone up a bit.
This isn’t the drugs’ effect.
It’s the repayment rate.
The percentage of debt I’ve repaid.

When it hits 100%, I’ll be free.
Debt-free.

Freedom.
But do I even need freedom?
Why not just stay trapped here and die?
I’m no different from a monster.

A pathetic creature passing its debts onto others.
Why am I still alive?

“I must have deserved it. Being treated like that… I must have deserved it.”

Boom.
The sound of a monster exploding.

“I’m so sorry. I can’t be anything else. I have debts to repay. I deserve this. But I didn’t want to be here! I’m not a monster!”

I use drugs because it’s time to level up.
I killed so many monsters.
I’m too kind. That’s the problem.

There’s Shihu.
Covered in blood, panting, he runs toward me.

He looks at me.
His face is a mix of relief and fear.

“Seo Ah?”

Why is he calling my name?

He’s holding a sword.
It’s covered in blood.

A sword?
A blade?

He’s going to stab me again.
When I come to my senses, I’ll already be stabbed.

Scared. Terrified. Sorry for betraying you.
Please spare me.

But he still holds the sword.

He still thinks I’m a monster.
Damn it. Damn it. Damn it.
I’m not.

I cover my strange eyes with my hand.
Even though I look more like a monster than ever, I’m not one!

“Seo Ah?”

How long will you torment me?
I already apologized!
Why won’t you leave me alone?

Does Han Shihu still hate me?
Will he choke me? Hit me? Stab me? Insult me?
Call me garbage?

“Hahaha… I’m not a monster! The monsters are over there, not me! If I kill them, it’ll all be over. They’re not my friends. I’ll prove it. I’m normal, kind, safe, and good! I’ll kill them all!”

I will.

“So please… please forgive me.”

I laugh while begging.