I Became the Drug-Addicted Childhood Friend

Chapter 70

But thinking about it...

There’s definitely something wrong with this situation.

How long has it been since I followed Shihu after he asked me to come with him?

I think it’s been almost a month since I started following him.

And nothing has happened.

The only thing that’s changed is the place.

I’ve only been a burden to Shihu.

I wanted to be the protagonist, but I failed.

I’m a villain.

I survived by mere chance.

I should have died in the lab.

No, I should have died right in front of Shihu.

That way, I wouldn’t have any hope.

It had to be a world without magic.

That way, I’d face the harsh reality and accept Seo Ah’s death.

I should let go of the useless hope of returning to the way things were.

I’m a villain.

"Stop."

I want to stop thinking like this and think about something more productive.

Like where to get more drugs.

Better ones.

Useful ones that bring happiness...

"Stop it."

What am I supposed to stop?

I want to stop my life, but I still have to live.

For Shihu, I’m still alive.

And I...

I need the drugs.

I’ve said it so many times, but it’s true.

This is the one thing that will never change.

[Inactive]

I’m still stuck by the leash, and I can’t see time or anything.

But I know I need the drugs.

Time was just an excuse.

It was an excuse to tell myself that I still had time, so now I should take the drugs.

"Shut up."

Yeah, shut up.

I want to think properly.

For example...

For example...

What did I used to think about?

Ninety percent of my thoughts are about drugs.

The rest is about Shihu.

A shallow desire to be the protagonist.

Worries about the future story scenario.

The direction of my determination and will is all for pleasure.

All the assets and energy I have have been invested for the sake of pleasure.

Mental, physical, and emotional connections have all been consumed for pleasure.

Pleasure is good, and pain is evil.

Why don’t they spread the drugs to all humans on Earth?

Everyone would be happy.

Yeah, isn’t this called utilitarianism?

I think I read about it in a book.

The idea that the greater the total happiness of individuals, the better.

But that’s wrong.

What matters is my own happiness.

My personal happiness must be greater than the total happiness of others.

So, give me the drugs.

"Drugs."

Just being exposed to magic makes me feel a little better.

But now, I understand for sure.

Magic is like water, and drugs are like food.

Water is more important, so you can survive for days on just water.

But eventually, you need food.

"[Drugs.]"

I ask for the drugs.

This guy is also addicted to drugs, so now he’s no different from me.

No matter what creature you bring, if you leave only the most instinctual parts, they all look the same.

The most basic happiness circuit of a living creature.

To obtain happiness, you take drugs.

I used to take them under the excuse of treatment.

I tried hard to ignore their true nature.

But now I’ve grown.

I now boldly ask for drugs for pleasure.

"...Give me the drugs."

Suddenly, I remember Seo Ah’s image, resisting the drugs as much as she could.

She used to be like that.

Even when she was chained up, she wouldn’t take the drugs.

She threw them away with superhuman will.

It’s like running.

At the beginning of a run, holding your breath is fine.

But when you’re out of breath, no matter how much willpower you have, you can’t hold it in anymore.

Who can suffocate by their own will?

"Hey. Answer me."

I say to Shihu.

I’ve called out to him several times, but he doesn’t respond.

"I’m sorry. Please."

Shihu doesn’t release the leash.

The place is a house.

It’s not really my house.

But it’s similar overall.

This is what our house looked like before it was destroyed.

The difference is the leash.

Even if Shihu doesn’t physically hold it, as long as it’s tied somewhere, the leash works fine.

It’s a restriction on magic.

I’m being raised on a leash.

I’m being kept as if I’m in captivity.

"I saw you have the drugs. Give them to me quickly."

"...Sorry."

Finally, Shihu speaks.

Lately, Shihu listens to me talk for hours every day.

I guess he’s getting tired of it.

Most of the time, the conversation ends with me asking for drugs.

Shihu leaves to go somewhere.

I can see more injuries on him.

I don’t know where he went.

Maybe he went to get the drugs.

"You give me the drugs, and I’ll really, really like you for giving me the drugs!"

That’s the offer.

"We can go back to how things were."

What disgusting words.

Stop it.

This isn’t how it’s supposed to be.

I tried to quit the drugs.

But I couldn’t help it.

"Look. As long as I have the drugs, I can stay a good friend with you..."

Shihu appears with the drugs, as if by magic.

I need that.

"Give it to me, give it to me, give it to me, give it to me."

Drugs.

All the reason in my head is flying away.

"......"

"What have you been doing outside? Huh? You went to find the drugs, didn’t you? I know you have syringes."

I saw it by accident.

I saw Shihu holding the drugs.

"I’ve been thinking about what to do."

Shihu speaks.

"Are you going to give me the drugs?"

"I waited, but it seems like this isn’t something time will solve."

"So you need the drugs, right?"

Shihu doesn’t answer.

"Give me the drugs. Anything you want, I’ll do it."

"...Anything?"

"Yeah. Anything. I’d lick your feet if you wanted me to."

"Did you do that to the doctor?"

"Yeah."

But the doctor told me not to, because it’s dirty.

Shihu gives a small chuckle.

I don’t know what’s funny.

"Okay..."

"Give me the drugs."

Shihu remains silent again.

"If you don’t give me the drugs, I’ll die."

This line is repeated so many times.

I’m saying this because I’m really going to die.

I hate this world.

Actually, I hope Shihu will just kill me already.

"Yeah, just kill me. Neither of us wants to keep living like this, right? Shihu."

"......"

But Shihu doesn’t kill me.

He doesn’t give me the drugs either.

"Or do something to me. I’m allowing it."

I’m speaking seriously.

I don’t care what Shihu does.

I really don’t want to live like this anymore.

"You’ve got a plan, don’t you? I know. It’s a coercive plan, right? I know. You’re wondering what will happen if you become like the doctor, aren’t you? I know."

"...You..."

"Anything is fine. Honestly, even if you don’t plan to save me, it’s okay. Just play with me and throw me away."

"You deserve it."

Shihu grits his teeth and looks at me.

It looks like he’s trying to make a painful decision.

Then he barely opens his mouth and speaks.

"...There’s a way..."

There must be.

A protagonist is a protagonist.

No matter how bleak, they must be doing something.

"If there is, there is... but honestly, I don’t want to do this."

What’s that?

But even in this situation, I’m impressed that he’s found a way.

"Anything is fine."

Then Shihu pulls out a syringe filled with the drug.

So it’s the drug again.

The universal drug.

In the end, the conclusion always comes down to the drug.

A shimmering rainbow-colored drug I’ve never seen before.

It’s amazing, even though no light is shining on it.

"This is a drug that erases memories."

"Memory?"

I already have amnesia.

I’ve forgotten so much, it’s scary.

"Yeah. It’s more like changing memories. It changes bad memories into happy ones."

"Oh..."

Such a thing exists?

"It’s a drug I got by chance... It’s called ‘Reset’ or ‘Initialize.’ It’s that strong..."

Shihu hesitates.

From what he says, it’s not something to be used lightly.

Did they grind up a monster to make this?

It probably came from grinding up some magical beast.

"Yeah, yeah, hurry up and use it. Isn’t that why you brought me here?"

Now I understand his intent.

We’ve moved to a new place, but it doesn’t feel all that new.

It’s too familiar.

My room.

It’s the same as our old house in the slums, before it turned to ruins.

The same interior structure before it became all ruins.

Old, but cozy.

"I know you’ve thought about it a lot. Do what you want. I don’t want to keep living like this either. Thank you."

I know.

There’s more to this than just a memory-erasing drug.

Shihu has some plan in mind.

But he’s just been delaying it out of concern for me.

"Hurry up. If you’re going to do it, do it quickly. I can’t keep living like this."

I urge him.

His expression still shows hesitation.

"Yeah? Quickly. Yeah, just put it there. Like that."

Shihu injects the syringe.

Thud.

It hurts.

Something flows through my nerves.

And the resetting begins.

"Thank you."

The injection is over.

Shihu blankly looks down at his hand.

He stares at the empty syringe in his hand.

"...Ah."

His expression looks shocked.

He seems to realize what he’s just done.

"Hehe."

But it can’t be undone.

I feel sleepy.

"Shihu, I love you..."

My speech is slurring.

But my feelings are sincere.

***

Shihu’s hands were trembling.

He realized what he had done.

Along with the words "I love you," Seo Ah collapsed.

He had reset Seo Ah’s memory.

More specifically, he had sent it back to a much earlier time.

How far back it went, he didn’t know, but it was certainly a long way back.

In exchange for this, the current Seo Ah would disappear.

He had killed her.

Because she no longer pleased him.

"Ha, ha..."

It had been almost a month since they moved to a safe place.

Seo Ah had been mumbling constantly, over and over, beside him.

In truth, the drugs had already been provided.

Seo Ah just didn’t remember that fact.

This was the only method left.

"I... What have I done?"

He felt like he might die from guilt.

Seo Ah’s memories... back to the way they were.

If possible, to the time when nothing was wrong between him and Seo Ah.

And in exchange, he would erase the current Seo Ah.

Seo Ah lay there, sleeping with quiet breaths.

Now it was time to do what needed to be done.

He had to make sure she wouldn’t panic when she woke up.

So, he decorated the place to resemble Seo Ah’s old home.

Now, Seo Ah’s home was in ruins.

The way it had been in his memories.

"...What have I done?"

The more he thought about it, the more immense it felt.

The conversations with Seo Ah.

The time spent together.

Of course, it had all been filled with pain and drugs.

But could he really just throw that all away?

Was it okay to pretend it never happened?

Seo Ah was still here.

She was lying down, sleeping.

She was still alive, and that was what mattered.

"Haha..."

He tried to convince himself that it was okay.

That this was what Seo Ah wanted, too.

That if he made her happy from now on, it would be fine.

Back to how things were.

Back to the time when they were childhood friends.

To go back to that time, he would do anything.

But Seo Ah had said she loved him.

She had said that.

But then...

He erased her memories with drugs.