I Became the Drug-Addicted Childhood Friend

Chapter 60

Seo Ah opens her arms.
Her fingertips tremble.
As if she'd reached this decision after much hesitation.
Yet, she smiles brightly.

"Let’s make up."

Make up?
What for?
Did we fight?
Did we?
If we did, it must’ve been my fault.

Is Seo Ah forgiving me?
The thought makes me freeze for a moment.
It’s brief, but countless ideas race through my head.

I’ll hug her.

That’s the conclusion I come to.
How should I hug Seo Ah?

There’s no time to delay.
If I have to see Seo Ah disappointed again, I’d rather just die.
I don’t want to let her down, and I don’t want to hurt her.

Pook.
I step closer and wrap my arms around her.

But not too roughly.
Gently enough that she won’t feel any pain, but warm enough to convey my presence.

"We’re friends again, right?"

Her voice is small, like a child whispering before they fall asleep.

"We’ve always been friends."

I hold Seo Ah in my arms and say nothing more.
Her body, left neglected for so long, feels faintly cold now.

"We’re going home now, right?" she asks.

We should go home.

"Yeah, let’s go home."

"But, you know..."

"Yeah?"

"I’m not a monster, right? I don’t look like one, do I?"

Is she worried about what Cheon Yuhwa said?
Sure, if you just looked at the raw aura spilling out of her, she might seem like a fairly powerful monster.
But she’s not a monster.

"There’s no way you’re a monster."

"Really? Really?"

Her voice sounds desperate.
I suddenly wonder what Cheon Yuhwa is up to.
I’m grateful that she hasn’t interfered.
When I glance to the side, I see her simply watching us, her gaze sharp and alert.
She doesn’t seem to have let her guard down.

"I can go home, right? I’m not going to suddenly turn into a monster or something?"

"Yeah, that won’t happen."

"Ahaha, thank goodness. I don’t want to become a monster. I’m not going to use those drugs again, and anyway, I’m still human..."

"Let’s go home."

Seo Ah smiles.
Very slowly.
Radiantly.

I have to protect that smile.
I had to, no matter what.

The faint scent of medicine lingers in the air.

***

Seo Ah and I walked side by side.
Her hand was in mine.
It felt a bit cold. No, very cold.
I wondered if I should hold her hand tighter.
But would that hurt her?
Instead, I just applied a little more pressure with my fingers.
Seo Ah said nothing, holding my hand as we walked.

Cheon Yuhwa quietly stepped aside.
She seemed to understand the situation to some extent.

The car was broken. How were we going to get home?

The road was silent.
Too silent.
It had been so chaotic just moments ago.
The monsters must have been dealt with.

I suppose Cheon Yuhwa coming to my side meant that Rena and Cheon Yuseong had already taken care of things on their end.

We walked.
Cracked asphalt was scattered with crumpled leaves,
which rustled softly with each gust of wind.
Seo Ah kept her head slightly lowered.
Not once did she look at the sky as we walked.

"Hey," Seo Ah suddenly said.

"Yeah?"

"Then..."

Kicking at the asphalt with her toe, she spoke hesitantly.

"We’ll eat together, hang out... live like before, right?"

"Yeah, let’s do that."

"Really?"

Seo Ah stopped and looked up at me.

"Really. I promise."

Seo Ah began walking again.
Whenever she stumbled as if she might fall, I held her hand firmly to steady her.
I wasn’t in great shape myself,
but I managed to stay on my feet somehow.

It had been an exhausting day, but I didn’t feel tired.
Seo Ah was beside me.
And I was holding her hand.

The faint scent of medicine still lingered.
It clung to Seo Ah’s clothes.

Medicine.
The medicine was still a problem.
If I used purification skills or some of the abilities I’d recently learned, I might be able to treat her.
Probably.
Using the Saintess might also be an option.

Anyway, it was a happy day.
A day full of things I still didn’t fully understand,
but I hoped it wasn’t a dream.
Seo Ah was here beside me.

Yeah.
Because Seo Ah was here.

Thud.

"Huh?"

Seo Ah pushed me away.
Was she asking me to let go of her hand?
Why?

"Seo Ah? What’s wrong?"

"Ah... it’s just... I remembered something I need to do."

"What?"

Seo Ah’s state changed again.
Had I failed to completely reassure her?
But she hadn’t let go of my hand.

"I have to pay my debt. That’s the only way I can become normal again."

"...Debt?"

What was she talking about?
Seo Ah was smiling, but she looked uneasy.

"I was the only one who was happy. You’ve been suffering and hurting, and I was too happy because of the drugs. That’s not right."

Happy?
No way.

"I was happy alone. Constantly. So, I’ve accumulated a debt. You were covered in blood, and I was..."

Happiness is usually something to celebrate.
Under normal circumstances, it is.
But something about Seo Ah’s happiness was twisted.
She tried to pull her hand away, but I didn’t let go.

"So, if you think about it, it’s like there’s a spider in my head. But it’s a happy spider, and it’s raising other spiders. So there’s this happy farm of spiders. But I didn’t feed them."

I could hardly make sense of what she was saying.
The concept of a debt made no sense.
Even if Seo Ah had felt happiness, why did that matter?
Was she feeling guilt over artificially induced pleasure?

"You haven’t accrued any debt."

"I have. I didn’t endure the pain I was supposed to... so I’m in debt."

She had suffered more than enough pain.
Far more than any one person should endure.

"So, I need to... endure more pain..."

"No."

"But, but... I need to pay this off to become normal again. You’d prefer me in a normal state, right?"

I wanted to tell her that she was fine as she was,
but it was clear that Seo Ah didn’t believe that herself.
She tried to twist her hand free again, but I stopped her.

"I need to be normal. This trashy body, this trashy mind, barely functioning like a zombie... it’s disgusting."

"No, it’s not..."

"I saw myself in the mirror. I’m a monster, but you’re so kind that you treat me like a human."

"You’re not a monster."

"I am. Something inside me keeps screaming. It’s probably my brain."

She wouldn’t stop talking.

"But, but, my brain’s probably already rotten, right? Can something rotten even scream? Maybe it’s only 10% rotten? Then what am I? Rot? Screaming? Or just a tuna can? Ahaha."

Her words lacked coherence.
They reeked of madness.
She was already mentally shattered.

Though she smiled brightly, her words were abnormal.
No, maybe she wasn’t completely broken.
But even as I told myself that, I couldn’t ignore the facts.

"Oh, uh, sorry. Sorry. I said something weird again. You won’t hate me, right?"

Seo Ah looked at me with a worried expression.

"I don’t hate you."

I don’t hate you.
It’s the opposite.
I like you.
Although I rarely said it out loud.

"...But you’re not going to let go? I told you, I have something I need to do."

"Sorry..."

I’ll keep holding on.
Please don’t go anywhere else.

"...Oh! Right. I owe you something too. The money I borrowed for the medicine. I didn’t pay it back. I’m sorry."

Medicine?
She must be talking about the money she borrowed at the Academy.

"It’s fine. Forget about it."

"Ah..."

She fidgeted uneasily, clearly still bothered by it.
There’s no need for her to feel that way.
How can I reassure her?

Why does Seo Ah feel guilty?
It doesn’t make sense.
She’s the biggest victim here.
Why?

Why does the victim feel guilt?
No matter how many times I asked myself, I couldn’t find an answer.

"It’s okay. Everything will be okay."

That’s all I could say.
Maybe I should hug her.
Seo Ah wasn’t trying to pull her hand away anymore.

Would it be okay to hug her?
Really?
I just wanted to.

As I leaned closer toward Seo Ah, something on her neck caught my eye.
I hadn’t noticed it earlier when I hugged her.
There was something there.
Not quite a scar... words?

"This—"

The moment I reached out to check, Seo Ah twisted away.

"Ah, ahhh..."

She was flustered.

"Did you see? Did you see? Did you see it? You saw it, didn’t you? Ahhh. I hate this."

There was something there.
Something I felt I needed to confirm.
But Seo Ah didn’t want me to.

"I didn’t see anything."

"Liar, liar, liar. I’m not showing it to you. Not to you. Never. Just know that. Understand?"

"Okay. Whatever it is, if you don’t want me to, I won’t look."

"Ah... ugh... it’s nothing! Nothing at all. It’ll disappear if I wash it. It will."

Seo Ah was half-panicked.
What was she so desperate to hide?
What could it be?
I had no idea.
Disappear if she washed it?

"I-I’m normal. I’m just a regular person, so you don’t need to worry about me. Got it? Got it? Answer me!"

"Yeah. Got it."

If Seo Ah reacted this strongly, I wouldn’t touch it.
I was scared too.
What was it?
I didn’t want to ruin the fragile bond we had rebuilt.

Seo Ah’s breathing was rough.
I waited for her to calm down.

"...Sorry. Sorry. It’s not your fault. Sorry. Sorry. Seo Ah used to be brighter, normal, smiling purely, but now I..."

"It’s fine. Even if there’s a problem, I don’t care. So don’t worry."

I couldn’t expect Seo Ah to be the same as before.
And I didn’t care what state she was in.
As long as she stayed by my side, that’s all I wanted.

"Really? It’s really okay?"

"Yeah. Just stay by my side."

Nothing else mattered.
Even if she’d changed a bit, that was okay.
I was happy Seo Ah was here.

I held her hand as we walked.
Though our hands were clasped, the distance between us felt slightly wider.
Seo Ah pulled up her collar, determined to keep whatever it was hidden.
If we kept talking about this, the mood would only get darker.

I decided to break the silence.

"...Hey, Seo Ah, want to go stargazing? Before we head home?"

The car was broken, and it’d take a while to get home anyway.
A brief look at the sky couldn’t hurt.

"Stars..."

Seo Ah’s expression softened.
It seemed like she liked the idea.
It was a request I’d taken too long to grant.

I remembered her hesitation before, asking if we could go stargazing at night.
I’d said no.
Why did I do that?
Why did I go back to the Academy?
If only we’d stayed together from the start.

So even now, at least...